Darlene got me started on thinking about denim jeans and their place in my life. When I left for college in 1968, I thought I would be getting semi-dressed up for class. Who knew the world would be turned upside down in those years and that denim would be the thing to wear for any self-respecting independent non-conformist?

All these years I kept wearing jeans, no matter what. Sometimes I felt stodgy, like I was wearing Bermuda shorts and black socks, as the fashion trends spun around me. I never owned a pair of “stone-washed” jeans, never owned any “Jordache” jeans. All I ever wore were either Wranglers or generic jeans from Penney’s. Then one day that all changed.

I was curious about what the big deal was about Levi’s. They cost a little more than the jeans I usually bought, and with three kids to clothe, I didn’t have extra money for such extravagance. My epiphany came in the department store dressing room when I pulled on a pair of Levi’s 505’s. Like butta. I loved those jeans! They just felt so right, they couldn’t be wrong, could they? That was it. Nothing but 505’s for me from then on.

Shhh-don’t tell Kathy—I have four brand new pairs tucked away in the closet. That will probably be a life time supply for me, but I know I’ll keep buying them, especially if I can trick her into paying for them. They’ll be part of my estate. My kids can make a fortune on eBay.

There is a hierarchy of jeans, of course, just as there are several levels of Hell. My particular Inferno consists of four levels. The lowest tier is occupied by painting jeans, those that are too far gone to be good for anything else. Next highest is grass cutting jeans. Good enough to be seen in public, but not up close, and who cares if the cuffs turn all green? On the third level we find everyday jeans. These are ideal for wearing around the house and for the occasional run to the grocery store. These see the most use. Finally, at the top of pyramid are dress up jeans. These are typically new, perhaps never worn, but certainly used only for special occasions. I’ll use these if I have to go a casual party, like a family Thanksgiving Day deal, or maybe a meeting up at church.

You can see how each level devolves into the next, since dress up jeans eventually become everyday wear, everydays drop into grass cutting apparel, and grass cuttings are demoted to painting.

Do I change jeans in the course of a day, depending upon the sartorial demands of the situation? You bet.

Are you surprised that there is a parallel system that runs with my sneakers? Grass cutting, everyday, and dress up. Gotta be Nike walking shoes. (you have watch to Nike—they change models all the time and you might find a favorite like I did and then find them suddenly unavailable.) Oh, and there’s a brand new pair of my favorites hidden in the closet.

Shhh—don’t tell Kathy!