It happened again

How did this happen? Another birthday. Just like that I’m 56. Seems like only a year ago I was telling you I was 55. If I live to be 110, now I’m more than halfway there. According to McDonald’s, I’m a “senior”. In other places I would be called “middle aged”. How come I don’t feel like either?

They show us pictures of us on TV to appeal to the baby boomers, but I don’t look like them, do I? Maybe I do, but I feel more like an undercover agent, pretending to fit in, while underneath it all, I am someone else entirely different than the person I appear to be. For instance, when I was in college, I would come home in the summer and have to get my hair cut short. All the while, though, I knew I really was the sort of person who had long hair, even if you couldn’t see it anymore. Now I look older than I really am. Gray hair and beard disguise the twenty-something I know I am. I like my appearance though. When I see photos of myself with brown hair, I think how dorky-looking I was. I much prefer the distinguished look.

Now see, what’s this? An envelope with my name on it. Kathy hid my card by my computer where she knew I’d find it. Usually we leave such things on the kitchen table to be discovered later, but here’s mine. Now she’s made me cry. Here is what the card said:

“We’ve come a long way
from the days we were dating,
when it took me ten hours to get ready
and when you stood
fidgeting on my doorstep.

These days, you’re more apt
To find me in a t-shirt and jeans
And you, sacked out on the couch.
Married life has rounded our edges,
Widened our perspective,
And given us the courage to be
Our honest-to-goodness real selves….

But you know what?
I love you now more than ever.
The countless thoughtful things
You do for me are like
Little love poems.
You give me such unconditional
Love and acceptance,
Even when I’m undeserving.
And what gift is better than that?

What we have is not the stuff of fairy tales,
But a lived-in love…
Tested, stretched, comfortable,
And very precious.
So thanks to you,
My wonderful husband,
My heart has found a home…
Forever.”

I just called Kathy at work to thank her. She said when she was reading the card in the store, big tears were rolling down her face, such that the manager (a friend of ours from church) came over to ask if she was OK! She explained that yes, she was fine, but the card had just touched her so.

It helps having someone you love with you—someone who is also frozen in time, a time when everything was possible, a time when you knew that with this person, you could weather anything. To others, we may just be two old people walking into the store holding hands, but to us, we’re nineteen forever, with that same shock of newness and a special familiarity all come together in that touch.